Friday, 27 January 2017

On The Wall

Once upon a time there was a wall that separated a city. On one side you could get Coca-Cola and blue jeans, listen to jazz and go on holiday. On the other side was a grey, drab world.
When I was seven years old this wall came tumbling down. To the sounds of pop music and the sight of flag waving, rather than burning. A new age had been born. A new era of freedom and capitalism.

A Shredded Wheat headed man, leader of the most powerful nation on Earth, is trying to make a new wall. One separating 2 whole countries instead of dividing one city. On one side you will be able to get Coca-Cola and on the other side you can still get Coca-Cola. Come on, you get Coke anywhere these days, it's 2017, not 1917. Hear me? IT'S 2017.

So why are women's rights being questioned?
Why are equal rights for all still being discussed?
Why do we still care about who you're shagging?
Why does the colour of your skin matter to anyone?
Why does your religious book make a difference to how you're treated?
Why is universal healthcare still not a right for everyone?

It is the 21st Century.

We should be thinking about hover boards and transportation devices.
Blue jeans should not be the staple clothing. If 1950s and '60s Sci-Fi is to be believed we should be living on the fucking moon, not stressing about abortion rights and voting scandals. Democracy has been around since Ancient Greece. We should have got our collective shit together by now.

It's 2017.

This is worth repeating.

Always and forever (until 2018).

This is the fucking future, guys.

We can look up literally any information on handheld devices. Devices that have more technology than rocket ships. We can see what the weather will be like, anywhere in the world (and other planets in our solar system) Look at moving images of Mars. Find out what programme that guy in that other programme was in. Like, now. Literally within seconds. Literally. 

This is 2017, fuckers.

We should be thinking about how we can perhaps make dogs into politicians as I feel like they'd make awesome decisions and I love them and I trust them to make all of ours lives better.

Because it's 2017 and the most powerful man on Earth wants to build a fucking wall.

Friday, 20 January 2017

On a Train

OK, this happened last week but I have only really just processed it - read: recovered from various hangovers.

Last Thursday my friend and I got on the Caledonian Sleeper from Euston to the wilds of Scotland. This was the most bizarre train journey of my entire life. And I've been on the New Jersey Transit. That train is loud as shit and is American and is obviously naturally bonkers. America, huh.

It appears that the very concept of going to Scotland, in January, to see a band, and go for a walk is crazy, insane, interesting and comment-worthy. It aint. I once ate an ice cream in November during a thunderstorm. Know why? I fancied an ice cream. Do you think it wasn't commented on? The shopkeeper thought I was nuts, my friend thought I was some sort of free-spirited anarchist. It's not like I sent a manifesto to the Daily Mail explaining the truth behind the moon landings and how the world is really ruled by aliens. IS IT?

Any way, the point is: why not go to Scotland in January? To walk? And see a band? HUH?

This is why: Snow covers the ground and makes it impossible for you to know how firm the ground underneath is. Also, your friend leads you into a bog. Bog as far as the eye can see. Except you can't see it because of the snow. Because you are in Scotland in January. Long story short - we got stuck in a bog and I fell and now I am grateful that I don't live near a bog. Kilburn doesn't count as a bog.

The train though, the train. Firstly, I admit that I am obviously the kind of person who meets strangers on a train and gets drunk with them. Let's admit something here: I'm the kind of person who likes to get drunk with people. And trains are pretty cool. And it wasn't our intention to meet random people and drink their wine. Look, if someone is going to buy you a drink the least you can do is drink it and entertain them with your witty conversation. And offer them cheese and crackers. It's the civilised thing to do. It's the human thing to do.

We ended up getting maybe 2 hours of sleep before KNOCK KNOCK on the cabin door and bleary-eyed we stumbled from the train, jumping with rucksacks and backpacks and heavy eyelids we followed Google maps to our Airbnb and went wrong somehow as we walked along an A road, climbed over a fence and stumbled down a snowbank. Still. We found the accommodation and I am heartened to report that I could totally survive on the streets in Birnam, a small town/village (I don't really know how big it is but there was an Arts Centre) as there's a little covered alleyway that I was totally prepared to sleep in. I'm not proud.

Mostly though I wanted to say that meeting a random stranger lady on the train has made me give pause to my current life narrative. She was a nice lady, attractive and jolly (and no, I don't mean 'fat') and generous with bottles of wine. She was nearing 40 (so not much older than me, really) and was single and happy about that. But was she? WAS she? Maybe she was but by goodness she seemed to have a lot of issues and she made me think: No, shit no, apart from having a kooky little shop in a kooky Scottish village (I'll admit that that made me jealous) her life is not the life that I want. I am not saying that I MUST have a boyfriend and that my life will be rubbish. I am saying that this wall needs to be removed. And that's what I learned on the train journey to Scotland.