Wednesday, 26 July 2017

On Going to the Doctor


I have been feeling fatigued and miserable in a flu-achey kinda way so, instead of doing what I usually do (nothing) I decided to go to the doctor. You know, whilst we still can without having to sell a kidney first, or something. Here are some observations on my annual "shit I should probably not rely on 'WebMD' or Google" visit.

First of all, I just feel that it should be standard that all signage should be written in the same font. I don't think it is pedantic or unnecessary. I just think that it's nicer. More aesthetically pleasing. And let's face facts: you probably don't feel great visiting the doctor so why make matters worse by assaulting our eyes with random fonts all over the shop? It's only polite. Also, I've visited a fair amount of medical practices in my life and one thing I've noticed is that none of them have a decent grasp of grammar. The most recent visit had a sign stating there will be no baby clinic on Thursday. Now, I'll bet you understood that immediately. Thursday's baby clinic is cancelled. Except it was written:

There will be
NO BABY CLINIC
Thursday 27th July

which kinda, sorta looks like that on Thursday there will be a no baby clinic. Right? I know I'm reading too much into this but I really dislike going to see the doctor so any distraction is a good distraction.

Secondly, why do people abuse the receptionists? It is actually not their fault that your appointment is late. It's the patients' fault. And you're one of them. Your appointment is going to overrun too and cause others to be late. It's a knock-on effect, you idiot. It's OUR fault. And we suck.

Thirdly, listen to me doc. We don't all get free prescriptions so could you not prescribe me something that is cheaper over the counter. I'm not in my right mind so please don't make me have to think about anything. I don't want to have a long-winded and protracted conversation with the chemist. Thanks.

Lastly, if I tell you that I don't snore do we really have to run through a list of people who have slept in the same room as me so as to verify that I'm telling the truth. I don't snore. I'm sorry that that doesn't help with your hypothesis as to why I'm tired all the fucking time. What do you want me to tell you? That I do? Just so that your guess is correct? I don't. Next question, please.

And, (ok, this is lastly) if I wisecrack and tell jokes maybe it's because I'm uncomfortable . Maybe I'm uncomfortable because I am at the doctor. And I'm tired.

Maybe I'm just really tired?

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Postscript.
The doctor said, 'sometimes, especially nowadays, people are just really tired.'
So, that's helpful. Like, she's not wrong, but that's not really the answer we need, is it? It's like that time a palm reader (another story for another time) told me, 'just stop worrying'. Ah, that's the solution to worrying. Don’t .

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